Catch and Release
The Big Blackfoot in Montana, featured in Norman Macleanās “A River Runs Through It,”Ā is a catch-and-release river. That means to protect fish populations, fly fishermen use barbless hooks and immediately release trout back into the river, where they either swim off to be caught another day, or go belly-up and float downstream. As a practice, catch-and-release is somewhat imperfect, and as a metaphor only slightly less so.
Catch-and-release is essentially what we do at Healing Circles Langley, with the very important distinction that weāreĀ notĀ actively seeking out or luring people in, with or without barbed hooks. We simply catch those in free-fall for whatever reason, hold them awhile, and then release them. Sometimes itās a one-and-done thing, sometimes itās an iterative process.
Iām often askedāusually by folks who havenāt experienced a Healing Circleāif the stories and situations shared with me somehow weigh me down, deplete me, keep me up at night. Thatās not really how it works.
I will catch-and-release; I wonāt catch-and-carry. Itās not that Iām cold-hearted, disinterested, or selfish (at least not about that!), but rather that Iām not entitled. Itās neither my place nor my party. It would be entirely presumptuous and arrogant of me to interpret or forecast someoneās evolving circumstance as either a burden to be endured, an opportunity for discovery, or anything in between.
Otherwise, itās a trapāfor everyone involved. People want to help. SomeĀ needĀ to help. In my experiences as both a caregiver and a patient, there were times whenādespite best intentionsāsomeoneās offer to relieve some of my burden ended up adding to it. Suggestions of what to do and where to turn diverted me from a pretty productive status quo, and when assumptions of what I needed sacrificed what I already had. I can also say with certainty that, not once, did anyone staying awake at night fretting on my behalf actually help me⦠or them.
In any circle, Iāll listen attentively and confidentially. I might point to other resources in the community if it seems warranted and wanted or share my own experience when pressed and appropriate. If I follow up with the person after the circle, it will be just to say Iām thinking about them; I wonāt, however, obligate them by asking how theyāre doing. I will support whatever healing path a person wants to take, but I will not deny them their experience of the journey by insinuating myself into it. That, to me, is trespassing on private property. That is using a barbed hook.
Header image courtesy ofĀ Loren Kerns, CC BY 2.0